Just In Time For Xmas – THE Man-Mas List Is Here!

A Leatherman – The Leatherman is the greatest and coolest tool you can possible own. Mildly more expensive then your regular Swiss Army Knife and 10x more cool looking. But without a doubt, once you own one you'll wonder how you ever lived without it. Oh and last thing on this, the "Skeletool" version of the knife is the most pimp, hands down – look it up.

A MagLite – The thing about a MagLite that you will come to believe once you hold one, you could bludgeon a grizzly to death with it. Additionally, there's the extra benefit of inflated 'cop-like' confidence that comes from scorching the retinas out of anyone that you point it at. You will actually feel the necessity of patrolling your yard, at 2AM naked at least once after you've turned it on.

Ninja Foot Spikes, Hand Claws and a Grappling Hook – Regardless, every man once to know that if he had to he could grab a bag full of these items and ascend any structure for reasons that will remain his, and his alone.

A Laser Pointer – Yes, this little beauty can do it all, spoil a movie, turn a cat into a raving lunatic and of course "point." With that said there's nothing quite as pompous as pulling from your blazer with the elbow patches this trusty little annoyance simply to call detail to something you feel you cannot point at.

The Largest Outdoor Stainless Gas Grill Money Can Buy – While no you're not going to cook for more than 100 people over the weekend, that fact is you could. Plus, given then need to you could use one of these metal clad beauties as a battering ram (also on the list see below) should you need to storm a castle.

A Case Of Patrón Gold – For those of you who drink tequila with any frequencey you can just jump to the next item. Patron Tequila's while not the most expensive buy a long shot are not slouch either. The taste is smooth and even, made entirely from Blue Agave, Patrón comes in five varieties: Silver, Añejo, Reposado Gran Patrón Platinum and Gran Patrón Burdeos.

A Smoking Jacket, A Black And White Photo of A Bomber Pilot And Musket – These three items have created more bullshit stories about "back when things where not as they are now" with the recanting of legendary people, places and events that don't require a shred of proof to be believable.

A Chainsaw – Yes, but I live in an apartment. Be that as it may wuss, you NEED a chainsaw! Zombies, saving babies from burning buildings and of course the monthly shaping of the local topiary. The key to the chainsaw is it must be bigger than your neighbors and it must have orange on it somewhere – universal truth, look it up!

Universal Remote – All men and women should fight over simply one thing. They that controls the remote controls the entertainment destiny of the household. Therefore, if you're really going to master it you must do so with a Universal remote leaving no chance that you will have to loose your seat sifting for another controller.

A Bobcat – Let me remind you that you should have this. What are the chances that the zombies come? Slim, yes. Moat No? We we can remedy that and just about every convieable gardening project known to man with the versitle and über cool Bobcat. Why not a full-sized Caterpillar you say? I like the way you think.

A Kegarator – Let it not be said that safety must indeed come first. That being said what could be safer than bringing the spirit of your local watering hole to your living room? DUI – problem sovled. Liver damage? – mmmm, pass next question.

A Billiards/foosball/dart board & Air-hockey table – Yes, I group these, get over it! Every cave should have the proper entertainment. That being said this 'base' platform of pre-digital gaming units should keep you and yours knee deep in the competitive spirit.

A Wrist-rocket – OF COURSE YOUR COULD SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT! And while this laser version is indeed over the top, so is this list. But you all indeed need a wrist-rocket for those many times you will come out of your bunker in a post-apocalyptic atmosphere and be forced to hunt and feed yourself on oversize radioactive squirrels.

A-Team 1983 GMC G-Series (G-15) Van – Ah, you thought you would never need a van did you? That's because you've never had a van. Of course with that understood toss the laymen's ideal of a Honda Odyssey, or something equally as girlie away. You want the A-TEAM van, because "you ain't flying on no plane!"

Anything Made Soley from Carbon Fiber – We all know that carbon fiber is one of the lightest and strongest materials used for making really expensive things. Therefore, it makes the list in spades not only because it makes you think of sports cars immediately but the fact that it looks like Satan's KFC tablecloth doesn't hurt either.

A Super-Fast Motorcycle –  No one really needs a Super-Fast anything, but the fact is since we can remember we've thought whatever we where doing right now we could be doing it faster. So knowing that, as a spiritual fact, we should all be tearing ass around doing just shy of the speed of light.

Mini-Spy Camera(s) – Everyone's a voyeur in some capacity. ESPECIALLY, if it comes to something/one that they think is there own. This is why mini-spy camera's are so important to the paranoid psyche of everyone that thinks the baby sitter has shifty eyes and just might steal my kid and run to the Mexican black market. Just saying.

A Jeep (Pre 1986 and their stupid square headlights) – You know that one car you regret getting rid of? Mine was a 1981 CJ7, and it pains me to say it but I wish I still had that Jeep. For those of you who've never own and or driven a Jeep in the landscape for that which it was built, you couldn't possibly understand why these Jeeps are as great as they are. As they say, "It's a Jeep thing, you wouldn't understand." Own one before you die.

Exploding Bullets – These bullets are of course illegal but "expanding" bullets are not. Therefore, keep the rustic paranoid home fires burning with some of these little beauties!

A Battering Ram – While admittedly I'd love to say that I'm speaking of the Orc crushing rolling juggernauts made famous in Peter Jackson's Ring's trilogy – I'm not. More the SWAT like fun of blowing most doors apart with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

A Grizzly Bear Taxidermy Statue – This is that object at party's that will clear out the weak.

A Machete – This angry chunk of steel is the quintessential tool in any zombie killers and landscapers arsenal. Nothing lops the heads off of the undead better and with more style.

A Sawed-off Shotgun – Whether your a fan of Mad Max or just illegally shortened weapons this little beauty is for you! Hide it in your coat, or just whip it out to show a group of angry methed out losers loitering around a bus stop. Ah, good times.

A Recliner – It really need not be described how great this piece of furniture is. Let's just say should we be forced into a Monarchy I'm sure the thrown will kick back in style.

A Jacuzzi – There's some part in all of us that wants to have a giant Tom Selleck mustache, or Chuck Norris "complete package" respectfully. And one must then sit in a giant Jacuzzi after a long day of shooting at people or getting shot at. This is how every episode of 'The Fall Guy' ended, and if it didn't it was miscripted.

Two Doberman Pinschers Named "Zeus" & "Apollo" – For those who love and adore the serial television show Magnum P.I. you'll remember these two dogs roamed the grounds of Robin Masters and tried to bite everything in their site. So that's pretty cool, had I been Robin Masters.

A Hovercraft – You can't tell me that every-time you see an Orbitz ad that has the hovercraft guy you don't want one. Well maybe you don't, but if you had one I bet you'd think it was pimp.

A Jet-Pack – I know that I can safely end on this item. Unless you're a total milktoast noo-noo pants you want to own your own Jet Pack. I mean could there be anything cooler than quitting a job and saying "peace out bitches!" and flying due North while leaving a wake of calamity, dust and paperwork behind? I think not.

Flying Cars, Food Pellets & Advertising

Reading some older tweets from various cohorts and I was presented with a question that we in the industry ponder from time-to-time. What's the future advertising agency model going to look like? There's the thoughts of hybrid agencies, part interactive and part traditional. There's the communal multi-agency model that shares ideas and delegates production responsibilities (and you think you're dysfunctional now!). Then there's the wacky "it's all going to web" guys. Who might be right in ten years, but even at the speed of technology it's a maturation that will still take time.

It's clear to me now as much as it was when I participated in Audi's "The Art of the Heist" campaign, the future agency model is matrix of like minded "Idea labs" and cutting edge producers. Not so long ago, interactively we were all scrambling to do everything just like traditional agencies. Design, development, content, SEO, online media placement, tracking and aggressive optimization. I think that what smaller, leaner, humbler shops recognized is that you do what you do best and partner up with others that do what they do best. This sounds so simple I know. But take a look at heist, it was a star-studded affair with McKinney as the agency, GMD Studios and Haxan Films doing creative execution, rock-star ARG/Story writers like Jim Gunshanan and graphics and flash by shops like Juicy Temples. All this great talent all working in concert everyday. The thing about increasing the 'storytelling' value of campaigns these days is they take honest, humble teams that are willing to do working confidently together.

Some other thoughts from around the sandbox:

"Well, I think there will always be these one-stop behemoths that do it all, and they will do some of it well and some of it poorly and certain brands will want that ease. Then there will be a large number of specialty agencies -- smart and nimble and focused on doing what they do best and collaborating with others to build something larger. The really innovative marketers will put these teams together and do amazing things. Strategy from Undercurrent, then get Campfire to creatively ideate and execute against that strategy, with those two organizations working together. Because they compliment, rather than compete.Both organizations in that scenario are nimble and move at the speed of the current times they don't have to turn around a massive ship. Brand managers can use the groups they need to solve the problems they have."

So do you think the onus is going to be on a savvier client looking for that kind of synergy or agencies pitching that kind of relationship? And is there a weakness in not being a one man behemoth?

"Yes, I think it requires savvier clients who are willing to go the extra distance to make everything they do a success, verses taking the easier path where you might get great TV Spots and print, but flat and ho hum digital. I think the smartest clients will eventually go project based. If you want to do something technologically groundbreaking, go to people who can do that, don't expect your big agency to figure that out. If you want to really engage people with brand stories, don't go to people who brilliantly distill brands into 30 seconds, go to storytellers, etc. Everyone has a role, everyone has a specialty, and everyone respects what everyone brings to the table. Oh, and Unicorns are real." Mike Manello (Co-Founder & Creative Director, Campfire)
...

"I think the future agency is more of a non-solution specific service. It will employ a guerilla approach that focuses on a specific clients needs and sources different resources cleverly. Instead of finding the right website or brochure, a future agency may higher a group of high-school kids to hit the streets or partner with non traditional companies to market goods or services. The future is to think completely outside all shapes rather than just some old box." Ralph Miolla (CEO – Fuel Media Group)
...

"The ad agency of the future looks more like publishing consulting with the collapse of much of the content world, the traditional line between editorial and advertising is collapsing as well ... sometimes in wonderful ways, sometimes in horrible ways. Ad agencies of the future are going to be helping their clients navigate those waters." Brian Clark (CEO – GMD Studios)
...

"Also I would say that in addition to expanding and contracting, it is less fixed in geography. Basically i dont see agencies really existing in the same fixed space forever as things move more and more onto the internet agencies are going to have to hire more and more people who are suspicious of a traditional advertising model." David Kraftsow (Interactive Demigod)

One Year + One Nutshell = Contagious

Most Contagious 2009

View more documents from Luis Miranda.

Contagious Magazine release of all that's worth knowing about in the ad world in 2009 is now available to you. View full-screen or you'll go blind. Enjoy.

Peer To Peer Fun

Co-Worker at Social Media Strategist extradenaire Murray Izenwasser recently sent me some art direction. Enough to make me scream if he'd not been fighting in the same trenches as I:

A couple of items:

• Please don't make it too 'Liney' or too 'Curvey.'
• Also, use blue. But don't use too much blue.
• Maybe one line and one curve in blue.  
• If you can, use photoshop to make me better looking, that would be great.  Maybe taller and thinner, too.
• With a better personality. Something people would actually like.
• Also, please use either Comic Sans or Papyrus, unless you want to use Bradley Hand or Curlz MT.
• And don't bold the text, unless you really think you should.
• But if you do, please make sure it doesn't look bolded.
• If you can make my eyes blue to match the color of the waves in the background that would be great.
• And make sure there is a 17.5 pixel border around it.
• And I want to have both my Mom and Sophie (my 3 year old) look at it, to get their opinion.

But do whatever you think is best.

Google Browser Size: A Cool Tool For The New School

Website designers, statisticians and advertisers alike should take a quick peek at the new Google Browser Size tool. It's nice as a quick reference tool to see where various parts of your website are falling at it comes to not simply usability, but user attention.

"This is useful for ensuring that important parts of a page's user interface are visible by a wide audience. On the example page that you see when you first visit this site, there is a "donate now" button which falls within the 80% contour, meaning that 20% of users cannot see this button when they first visit the page. 20% is a significant number; knowing this fact would encourage the designer to move the button much higher in the page so it can be seen without scrolling."

More from the Google development team.

When The Dream Becomes Our Nightmare

Well I have to say frankly it took a lot longer than I thought for some BIG money to back a webisodic project. Yes,  Heros did have it and others. But they were all predicated on a program running on mainstream television and simply a piggyback to the overall concept. Ok, to the point Simon Fuller, famed television and artistic manager for shows such as American, Canadian, Australian, Antarctican Idol and So You Think You Can Dance (dance, dance, dance...nm) has chosen Hulu as it's video platform for a completely digital saga called..."If I Can Dream."

Survey Says:

• Perfect people bitching about how non-perfect their lives are? – Yes.
• People you will want to strangle only seconds after they speak? – Yes.
• So formulaic that you want to scream "BODY SNATCHERS!!!" – Yes.
• Decent platform to kick-start a new revolution in entertainment? – God, I hope so.